Why Would I Want to Work With An IFS Therapist?  How Can They Help Me?

Let’s start by understanding what Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is.

Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS therapy is based on two simple ideas: we all have different parts inside us, and these parts work together like a family. You might notice this in yourself when you think, “Part of me wants to do this, but another part of me wants the exact opposite.” Or when you feel frustrated because you know better, but still do things that sabotage your efforts. These are your inner parts communicating with each other, which is normal but can be challenging.

There are two main types of parts: exiles and protectors. Exiles carry deep hurts and fears that want to be seen and heard. Protectors try to keep us from feeling these intense emotions by distracting us.

Protectors come in two forms: firefighters and managers. Managers try to control our lives with self-criticism, perfectionism, and hard work to keep us safe. Firefighters try to push down feelings by acting out or engaging in harmful behaviors like drinking, overeating, or dissociating.

At the heart of IFS is the concept of Self. The Self is your true core, the part of you that is calm, curious, and compassionate. Everyone has a Self, and it can’t be destroyed. It has the natural ability to heal. The Self has eight qualities: curiosity, calm, clarity, connectedness, confidence, courage, creativity, and compassion. These qualities help you make the best choices for your whole system.

IFS is like an internal relationship-building process. When your parts start to trust your Self, the Self becomes the leader of your internal family. Symptoms like addiction, anxiety, and depression are seen as protector parts trying to keep you from feeling overwhelmed. As you build a secure relationship with your Self, these symptoms can lessen or disappear. This happens because your Self and parts share the same memories and feelings. When the Self is in charge, it can offer compassion and healing to all parts, creating a powerful, positive change.

IFS is something you experience rather than just learn about. Experiencing the healing relationship between your Self and your parts can be transformative. It helps you understand yourself in ways you might never have thought possible. You don’t need to know how IFS works or even fully believe in it before starting therapy. All you need is a little hope that things can get better. If you have that hope, you’re ready to start your journey to better health and happiness.

IFS therapy can be incredibly helpful for a wide range of problems. For instance, if you’re dealing with anxiety, IFS can help you understand which parts of you are feeling anxious and why. Often, anxiety is a way your protector parts try to keep you safe from perceived dangers. By working with these parts, you can reduce your anxiety and learn to face challenges with more confidence and calm.

Depression is another area where IFS can be beneficial. Depression often involves exiled parts that carry deep sadness or trauma. These parts might be pushed away or ignored by your protector parts, leading to feelings of emptiness or hopelessness. By working with an IFS therapist, you can begin to listen to and heal these exiled parts, which can alleviate depressive symptoms and bring more joy and purpose into your life.

IFS can also address issues related to trauma. Trauma can create exiled parts that hold onto painful memories and emotions. These parts can cause significant distress and disrupt your daily life. By connecting with your Self and allowing it to lead, you can help these traumatized parts heal, reducing the impact of past traumas on your present life.

Relationship problems are another area where IFS can make a big difference. Often, conflicts in relationships arise from our parts reacting to each other. For example, if a part of you feels unworthy, it might get triggered by something your partner says, leading to arguments or withdrawal. IFS helps you understand these dynamics and improve communication and connection with your loved ones.

Addictions and harmful behaviors, such as substance abuse or eating disorders, are also areas where IFS can be transformative. These behaviors are often firefighter parts trying to numb or distract from overwhelming emotions. By addressing the underlying exiled parts and helping them heal, you can reduce the need for these harmful coping mechanisms and develop healthier ways to manage your feelings.

At the heart of IFS therapy is the belief that every part of you has good intentions, even if its methods are unhelpful. By getting to know your parts and understanding their roles, you can transform your internal system and lead a more balanced, fulfilling life. IFS empowers you to become the leader of your own inner family, guiding each part with compassion and wisdom.

At the East Coast Psychotherapy & Trauma Clinic, IFS Therapy is provided to adult clients (age 19+). IFS therapist Jean Sloan, MACP, RCT-C is currently accepting new clients. Check out Jean’s bio here. If you’re ready to explore IFS therapy and begin your journey towards better mental health, reach out today by completing the Contact page where you can request an appointment.